Shri Tuthaiah Belberto Murthy had retired as a Ticket Checker from Taluda station of Washington Division which is a very important Division of P V Railway. It is important to know the full form of P V which stands for Palaku Vally. Tuthaiahji as he is popularly known after retirement understood fully well that after retirement the respect suddenly grows. Foolish Sharma becomes Sharmaji and treacherous Gampat becomes Gampatji. The only worthwhile job or duty Tuthajahji was performing with devotion was to collect his pension, which was also treated as a reward of commitment to his revered organization. The other advantage was that he got an opportunity of freely mixing with his friends, who were refused entry into each other homes because their respective wives had become too much interested in the colorful past of their respective husbands.
One day Tuthaiahji was very much tired and after taking dinner, he retired to bed (A retired man retired to bed – Strange). Soon Tuthaiahji was fast asleep. He encountered a dream in which Lord appeared and took a promise of confidentiality from Tuthaiahji which was promptly granted. The promise was that whatever dream to follow is to be kept secret. Tuthaiahji nodded and dream followed.
Palaku Vally Railways (PVR) bifurcated into Nineteen Railways and one of the Railways was North South East West Central Coast Railway. Since name was too long therefore people preferred to call it Compass Railway. Mokio Division was an important Division of Compass Railway. This Division was consisting only one station popularly called as Taluda having high passenger earning and very high originating loading. One day Hon’ble Minister GP (Grass Production) received a complaint that there is some problem in one of the toilets of waiting hall. News was spreading very fast that there is some problem in one out of 10 toilets. It was not leaking, floor was OK, seat was not broken, cistern was OK and water was also flowing with full force when chain was pulled. What was the problem then; when any passenger uses its seat, the color of seat used to turn red, blood red and passengers scared. The other feature, which baffled most, was that when any Railway officer uses this toilet it was functioning fine. After getting lot of complaints, Hon’ble Minister (GP) decided to inspect the toilet himself. Lot of publicity was given. A big two page advertisement published regarding this visit. One day before, CEO of Compass Railway called a meeting of Major Heads of Departments and discussed the various issues regarding the visit of Hon’ble Minister (GP). Engineering Department naturally took a lead as if that is its birthright on all the toilets of world and everyone was looking towards them with a ray of hope to initiate the proceedings.
Engg Chief: “Dear friends the toilet is fine as far as Railway officers are concerned but there is some problem when passengers use it.”
Mechanical Chief: “It means that Engg. Dept. has no solution.”
Engg Chief: “No that is not the case. We have already processed a consultancy proposal to solve this problem but that is pending for a long time.”
CEO: “Where it is lying for a long time.”
Engg Chief: “Money Release Deptt (MRD) is asking any precedence of this case.”
CEO: “I would request MRD to clear the proposal right now. I shall accept right now and let us inform to fly their expert to report to HVR before this meeting is over.”
The proposal was concurred and approved then and there and an Email was sent to US consultancy firm to fly their consultant by a chartered Concorde Hyper plane. All present were dismayed when the consultant appeared before meeting within 20 minutes. The consultant was Mr Lootera from NY, a 40-year-old young man in a 3 piece suit sweating profusely. He had a strange past history. His mother was a German and father was an American who was having deep interest in occult science. His father firmly believed in the life after death and NDE (Near Death Experiences). He also believed that soul of the Railway people always remains unsatisfied and often trouble the common living people. As soon as Mr. Lootera appeared and observed the faces of Railway officers his mind became full of memories of his childhood when such faces used to come to his father for occult advice when they encountered occult problems like why so many accidents are happening and why some people got favorable reports from their bosses. Usually for second type of cases, people used to come in their personal capacity and in a quick action. His father often used to question them why their action is not so quick but lazy in first type of cases when their organization is concerned. People often smiled and said that they have an occult MRD also who created occult problems in a vain effort of trying to solve some other problems.
Problems out of problems and then problem plus problem used to create another set of problems. One day after he was so puzzled that he invited highly progressive and efficient spirit to solve this problem. The spirit came; listened to his father woes and spirit disappeared. His father who was in a trance, questioned for his disappearance, then spirit replied that the problem of MRD does not have any solution and even he cannot solve this problem nor he can force the MRD people to mend their ways.
Mr. Lootera loosened his necktie and shoved off his coat and placed on a nail on top of system map of Compass Railways. He took a full glance on the present people and took a chair and his eyes met with CEO with questionable marks. The CEO cleared his throat and started;
CEO: “I, on behalf of Mokio Division welcome you Mr…….. (Ummmm).”
Mr. Lootera: “I am Dr. Lootera, the consultant.”
CEO: “Excuse me Dr. Lootera.”
Dr. Lootera: “What is the problem you are facing?”
CEO: “I am neither a specialist nor a Manager, nor an executive, therefore, I cannot describe the problem.”
Dr. Lootera: “But you are CEO, Chief Executive Officer, am I right.”
CEO: “You are partially right, since CEO in Compass Railway stands for Chief Empty Officer.”
Dr. Lootera: “Oh, I see but until I get a problem how can I give a solution.”
CEO: “But in our Compass Railway, we can either generate a problem from a problem or can generate a solution even without a problem.”
Dr. Lootera now seemed quite puzzled and started moving his head up and down and twirled his pencil thin moustache.
CEO: “Do not worry, Dr. Lootera, My Engg. Chief will explain the problem. My Engg. Chief is a great expert in explaining the problems.”
Engg. Chief: “Dr. Lootera, at our home station, Taluda, we are having 10 toilets, all are working in a nice manner, no technical problems. All are functioning very fine except one. In one of the toilets, whenever any passenger uses it, the color of seat turns red blood. Passengers get scared and run away.”
Dr. Lootera: “Oh, I see, but let me listen the views of other technical heads.
Mechanical Chief: We can replace the white colored seat to Red blood colored seat so that it will not change the color.”
Dr. Lootera: “Hummmm”
Electrical Chief: “We can electrify the seat with 25 KV voltages so that whenever it changes the color we can get an alarm.”
Signal Chief: “But if 25 KV current reaches to passenger via urine stream, then he will die. Why we cannot install a hidden camera so that any person who is making this trouble, can be photographed, identified and later on our protection force can capture him.”
Publicity Chief: “That is a good idea but there is only one hitch that the camera will send some other photographs also.”
CPF: “We will have to create a special task force which may be called as MDTP (Mokio Division Toilet Police).”
In the meantime, lot of bearers swarmed the meeting hall and started placing the plates full of cashew nuts. The CEO silently took two plates and engaged himself in a serious eating business.
Dr. Lootera: “Gentlemen, I heard all of you and listened all your foolish ideas. I have some great ideas but I want to inspect the site first.”
All in one tone: “Great idea, Sir. Then we can read your inspection notes.”
Dr. Lootera: “My Dear Railway officers, I do not issue inspection notes but I execute my plans immediately.”
All in one tone said: “Yessar.”
CEO signaled his secretary to arrange for a car but was told that since Driver Union is on strike, therefore car cannot be arranged. He again signaled his secretary to hijack some other vehicle so that he and Dr. Lootera could reach to the Taluda station. On reaching station, Station Master garlanded Dr. Lootera and crowd applauded as if the toilet problem will be solved at the same point. While one union was trying to garland him and another was showing black flag and were shouting “Go back Lootera. You leave us with our problem.” But one thing was firm that Dr. Lootera was having impeachable character and solid integrity for the cause of the toilets.
Frantic action was going on, Railways staff were running helter to shelter. Full station was cleaned, floor was washed and a whole army of safaiwalas were cleaning all toilets block from outside only which were going to be inspected. A strong smell of phenyl was entering into nostrils and bleaching powder was being sprinkled on track portion causing a pungent smell. As soon as CEO accompanied by Dr. Lootera entered into toilet block, a passenger dashed Dr. Lootera, he was scared so much that he even forgot to close the zip chain. CEO consoled him, patted him in an elderly fashion.
“What is the matter” CEO asked.
“I just saw a Ghost.”
“In toilet No ummmmm.”
CEO explained to Dr. Lootera that such a toilet may be toilet NO.3 and there may be other problems also. A safaiwala guided CEO and Dr. Lootera. went into the toilet block but when they were entering into it, Dr. Lootera stopped for a while and asked CEO:
“What is the method that can lead us to problematic toilet: Mr. CEO.”
“Sir we can ask one passenger to use the toilet.”
“Before our eyes.”
All people (mostly officers) nodded their heads in appreciation of CEO’s excellent suggestion.
Dr. Lootera giggled and said: “Do you have any shame left in you.”
“What shame Sir.”
“Which passenger will agree to use the toilet before our eyes.”
“Oh, that is the problem.”
A junior officer suggested, that a committee of 3 officers should be made to inspect the toilets and the committee can be asked to submit the report within 10 minutes. Dr. Lootera did not accept the idea but insisted on inspecting himself. After about one hour of discussion and transfer of ideas, an acceptable solution was found, all the officers led by Dr. Lootera shall stand opposite to each toilet and would request one Railway passenger to use all the 10 toilets one by one. One passenger offered his services. He was garlanded and applauded as if he is going to be crucified. All were staring at him with lot of respect and appreciation.
Dr. Lootera: “Is your bladder full.”
Passenger:” Yes Sir.”
Dr. Lootera: “Go ahead”.
The passenger by the name Mr. Lajjani Badshah was medium built, round bottomed and well dressed gentleman. He entered in one toilet, looked back all and shut the door behind. One minute-two minutes passed, everybody got worried, were expecting a worst fate for Mr. Badshah. After 3 minutes Mr. Badshah emerged from toilet with much relieved smiling.
All relieved to see Mr. Badshah safe and smiling. Mr. Badshah started to say thanks to Dr. Lootera, but Dr. Lootera was upset that why he is coming to him instead he should have gone to next toilet.
Dr. Lootera: “Mr. Badshah, you must use the next toilet also.”
Now it was turn for Mr. Badshah to be upset and flabbergasted. “How I can use the next toilet when I am empty” .
Dr. Lootera: “Who had asked you to completely empty your bladder in one toilet only?”
Mr. Badshah: “It was impossible and quite painful also.”
Dr. Lootera: “Quite irresponsible passenger.”
CEO: “Any body who will volunteer for the next toilet.”
At last, one passenger by name Hukka Chand volunteered himself. Mr. Hukka Chand was 5 feet 10 inches tall, handsome personality with heavy moustache and athletic body. Mr. Hukka Chand glanced towards CEO; “What I have to do Sir?”
CEO: “Nothing special, you have to simply use the toilet:”
CEO, Dr. Lootera and others waited with bated breath as Mr. Hukka Chand entered into toilet NO.2.
Everybody expected Mr. Hukka Chand would be shouting while exiting but nothing happened and after 3 minutes, Mr. Hukka Chand made a grand exit. All got disappointed and search for another volunteer began in a right earnest. CEO and Dr. Lootera made eye contact but both were highly disappointed and nodded their head in negative manner. Before they could contemplate and plan for next move, a surge of noise rose and a old man aged about 60 came forward. His face and body was badly wrinkled and was having difficulty even in walking. He was Rasdeen in a crumpled cloth with eagle eyes, always on surveillance. Rasdeen was a bureaucrat who retired at 61 years of age and unfortunately could not get a suitable appointment after retirement. He glanced at Dr. Lootera and without asking, entered in the next toilet.
Dr. Lootera could not understand all this suddenness with which Rasdeen without asking anything entered, must be highly intelligent soul.
CEO whispered in his ears.,”.ShSh. He is a retired bureaucrat:’ Dr. Lootera understood the entire scene by his whisper. Rasdeen always spared his services even on uninvited place to show to the people his aptitude for service to the people and set an example. A bureaucrat is always a bureaucrat. Retirement has hardly any effect on most bureaucrats. Rasdeen was also young (Read bureaucrat) at heart but old by appearance due to the fact that hair had already become extinct on his skull. The only major sign of a bureaucrat is that he is always in search of a role on even odd places in all situations. Such a role feeds and satisfies his ego. He feels that society still needs him; country and the world require his services and advice badly. In the process, many bureaucrat become advisers to various bodies and the biggest irony is that they also consider themselves as capable advisers.
Suddenly, a loud shirks, a fearful cry originated from the same toilet in which Rasdeen had entered, shook everybody, hearts sank and expected the worst. The latch of the door shifted and door opened, Rasdeen holding the ends of his pant from both side, zip half opened. Rasdeen fearfully shouted and ran helter and shelter. His eyes were wide opened, jaws tried to throw some words but found himself unable to speak even few words which scuttled in a chocked throat.
Rasdeen still holding his pants with both hands ran towards exit gate; tried to put shirt inside and in this process both ends of pants dropped down, Rasdeen bowed down in electrifying performance and lifted his pant and rushed to exit gate as if he wanted to go away from Railway buildings. Rasdeen stopped suddenly at exit gate and saw the ticket collector in questioning look but soon started to search ticket. The collector was asking for a valid ticket to prove Rasdeen as a bonafide passenger. Rasdeen tender fingers searched his shirt, pant, socks and shoes but ticket was elusive. He had a helpless look and saw to ticket collector for some favors. Ticket collector was also adamant and did not let him go, Rasdeen by this time, had become sound and strangely felt in suddenness that he is a retired bureaucrat. He spoke English in highly anglicized fashion and tried to explain the reason for not having any ticket. No effect, Ticket Collector signaled him to stand in a corner and started to collect the tickets from other passengers.
At this time, Rasdeen lost his temper and started to show his real bureaucracy color. But ticket collector remained unfazed. No effect. People gathered around the exit gate and some turned it into a little battleground. The language poured from sober to unparliamentary.
Dr. Lootera, officers and staff were perplexed and were watching the exit and Rasdeen in a quizzing manner. Each was having a question in eyes and the whole crowd was starving to search the logic and manner of such a exit of Rasdeen. A Railway staff whispered in the ears of CEO. CEO intently widened his eyes and whispered in his assistant ears.
”What is the matter?” Dr. Lootera asked.
“Nothing Sir, Rasdeen was spotted.”
“At exit gate” – CEO replied.
“By whom, sleuths of investigating agency” – Dr. Lootera quizzed.
“No Sir, By Ticket collector of our Railway” – CEO inflated his chest.
“Let us go and meet Rasdeen”.
“Yes Sir” – CEO replied with utmost respect .The whole crowd reached at exit gate. A bigger crowd was busy in shuttling respectful words against each other in which the various illogical relationship with mothers, sisters were being established.
”What is this commotion” – CEO raised his voice and saw at his security assistant. Security assistant cleared the crowd and Rasdeen was before them.
”Yes, Ticket collector, what is the matter”?
The Ticket collector was taken aback by finding CEO before him. He adjusted his cap and saluted CEO’ “Good Morning Sir”.
“Good morning” – CEO replied. ”What is the matter and what Mr. Rasdeen is doing here” – CEO asked.
“Sir, this man is without a ticket.”
”You mean ticketless traveler”, CEO quizzed again.
“It means a ticketless bureaucrat.” Dr. Lootera added some soberness.
“Mr. Rasdeen, you agree, you are without a ticket.” – CEO asked.
Rasdeen immediately sprang from his place and whispered in the ears of CEO. CEO signaled Ticket collector to let him go. Rasdeen existed in a victorious matter. Dr. Lootera observed the scene intently, wrinkled his forehead and contemplated in a silent manner. After few minutes. Dr. Lootera exhaled a long breath as if he had taken an important decision.
After one month, Dr. Lootera’s report was received by CEO. CEO read the report and immediately called a meeting of all departments.
CEO cleared his throat and began;. “At the onset, we are all very grateful to Dr. Lootera who has submitted his report. The report analyzed the various technical aspects and after doing computer simulation, found nothing wrong with our toilets. The only findings Dr. Lootera proposed is that as soon as any ticket less traveler enters into toilet No.5, because of his guilt conscious, he emits P3 mental waves. The toilet commode is made of a special material which is very sensitive to P3 waves. The commode changes its color because of a chemical reaction triggered by P3 waves. Dr. Lootera’s only recommendation is very vital and important. Toilet No.5 can be used to detect a ticket less traveler instead of faulty human error i.e. Ticket collector. Therefore at all exit gates should be constructed via toilet No. 5. The testing of ticket less travelling will be foolproof and error free.” CEO took a long breath and gulped down a glass of water.
All present applauded for few minutes and paid their standing ovation to the brilliance of Dr. Lootera. Next day, the following order was passed by CEO.
“At all stations at least one toilet should be constructed having a P3 wave sensitive toilet commode to be used as an exit gate for the purpose of checking ticketless travelling.”
Shri Belberto suddenly turned his side again and again. The birds were chirping, bright sunlight was falling on his face. The eyes closed first tightly then opened and closed and thereafter opened half and Shri Turthy gained his consciousness. He was still feeling as if CEO is offering a cup of tea to Dr. Lootera. Shri Turthy smiled; “Good Morning Darling” – Mrs. Turthy came and offered a cup of tea. Shri Turthy got up immediately rubbed his eyes and looked at his wife almost lost. His body was sweating profusely. He remembered the complete dream. Taking the cup of tea, Shri Turthy contemplated. What a foolish dream full of idiotic ideas. What behavior was being shown that of Dr. Lootera. There is no relation between dream and reality. Reality – he smiled as if he is having similar memories of his past.
Birds were singing the morning songs. Dogs had gone to sleep. A cool breeze was flowing in which trees were talking to its leaves and branches as an example of perfect communication unlike his department where gaps are openly visible. Shri Turthy smiled and pulled his blanket over his body and snarled again.